My parents had my name …

March 17, 2019

What is your first name?


Does Your name have any significant or sentimental meaning?

My parents had my name picked out before they even knew my gender. I have lots of nicknames (Mo, Momo, Morgina, Morgana, etc.)

What is your background/heritage and why is it important to you?

I was born in a small town in Eastern North Carolina. In this town most people are very religious. We have a church about every mile or two. My mom is from Raleigh but my dad grew up in the farm where we live now.

What is the most challenging experience you have faced or are currently facing in your life and how did you/are you facing that challenge?

The most challenging thing about my life now is having to cope with the fact that I’m a lesbian.

Mom- When I first came out to my mom it was over a text even though she was in the other room. Right before I sent the message all I wanted to do was come out my mom. My heart just ached to do that so I did. After I sent the message I told her that I would talk to her in the morning but I was super anxious so I went to talk to her then. After I talked to her I thought her reaction was the worst but it was honestly nothing compared to the things my dad said. When I first went to talk to her she asked me what made me think that and finally she guessed that I liked a girl. I told her it was on my close friend for many years, “Ally”. She said that I probably liked “Ally” like a sister because we’ve been friends for so long. I knew I was head over heels for “Ally” but me, being a coward told her that she was probably right. Then she told my, as a midwife I was too young to really know what I like and that I wouldn’t really know until I had sex (which goes against not having sex until you are married). At the time I thought her reaction was so mean when in reality she did think I was just confused but at least she said she would still love me and she didn’t say anything homophobic. The next morning in the car she asked about it and of course me being a little chicken little said she was right even though in my heart I KNEW she wasn’t.
Dad- I was coloring in my room one night and I was just feeling the gay energy. If you are gay you know when you randomly get in a mood where you just want to wave a pride flag. It was getting late so I went to sit down and talk to my dad. I asked him if we could talk and I told him “I think I like girls.” After I said that there was a long awkward silence and the first thing he did was ask me if I was joking. I shook my head no and things got more serious from there. He asked me what made me think this and I just replied with “I don’t know”. He said that I obviously did know or I would have said that. Eventually I said that I’d had a crush on Ally and various other girls and I listed three of them because I wasn’t about to 100% expose myself. My dad told me that being a teenager was a confusing time and I probably liked them just as friends and nothing more. He said that he could look at a guy and admit that he’s ‘good looking’ but that doesn’t make him gay. I just nodded and I told him about when I talked to mom and he agreed with what she said but instead of sex he said “or at least until you’ve been in a relationship where you’ve kissed a boy”. And a few other things were said about how the media exposes children to this at an age that’s too young. And then he told me what he’s told me my entire life, and that is if I’m gay they’ll still love me but they will be disappointed. And then I gave him a hug and I went to bed but I reality I told my actual friends about what had just happened. And the next day, on the way home from bible study he brought it again. He asked me “in all seriousness” what I liked to look at more a girl or a boy. At first I lied and said a boy but then he asked me again and I said that both were alright. Then he again mentioned something about the media. I also said that there were lots of other sexualities like bisexual, aesexual, pansexual, aeromantic, etc. and he proceeded to say that those identities (minus bisexual maybe) were BS. I internally disagreed but I just sat there. He told me yet again that if I was they’d still love me but they’d be disappointed. He said that mainly it was to protect me because there would be consequences or things would be different if I came out “at such a young age”. He said that no girls would want to be my friend anymore, he said that I would’ve allowed to have any sleepovers at my house, and that none of my friends’ parents would let me stay the night out of fear that I’d hook up with their daughter. I was kind of in shock by that so I just sat there. And the final word spoken about it that night was that he PRAYED I wasn’t. And that just kind of sunk in for awhile. Now whenever we do something together and I’m having fun in the back of my head I’m always thinking of that hurtful conversation.

What do you think will make the world a better place and what role can you play?

I feel like educating people on taboo topics will make the world a better place. I feel like I could help by educating people myself. I’ve been told I’m a good writer and if I could write to share knowledge I feel like that would be helpful.

What do you wish others would know about you that they cannot tell on the surface?

Every single person has secrets and a distinct personality, you should always try to be nice and not say anything mean even if you think it won’t offend anyone.

If you want to contact me: lilmo121504@icloud.com